I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize