I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
