Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
