I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
