I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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