How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
