Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we made out on top of his cat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
