I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
