When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
