I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
