he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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