woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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