becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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