i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
