non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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