There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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