Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
