quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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