ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
