Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
