my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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