I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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