You smell like stripper and shame
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
BRING THE BAGELS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
