I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize