my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
