I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
