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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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