why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
