I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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