Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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