i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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