love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
