Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
