well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
