3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
