Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They took my balls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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