...so i touched it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
