I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
