I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The best revenge is premature balding
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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