I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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