Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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