Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
