just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize