matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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