erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
