Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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