i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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