What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
