I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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