All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
