Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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