I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The beer is more important than you right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
