im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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