my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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