I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is my gift to your gina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
