i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
