Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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