Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
