Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
