So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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