He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
