I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
