I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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