the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
