Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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