sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize