there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
