WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
