I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
