I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
